AEW Double Or Nothing 2020… In Haiku

Our editor decided to do this again. We still have no clue why.

Photo: AEW

Yes, this is back.

No, nobody asked for it.

*clears throat*

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Private Party (Isiah Kassidy & Marq Quen) vs Best Friends (Chuck Taylor & Trent)

Expected smoother
WD40, lads?
Fun enough match, mind

Casino Ladder match: Darby Allin vs. Colt Cabana vs. Orange Cassidy vs. Joey Janela vs. Scorpio Sky vs. Kip Sabian vs. Frankie Kazarian vs. Luchasaurus vs. TBA

BRIAN F'N CAGE
Sanka... Darby, you dead mon?
Far more than nine here

MJF (w/ Wardlow) vs Jungle Boy

Stole the flippin' show
Predictable result, though
MJF = next champ

Tournament Finals for the inaugural TNT Championship: Cody (w/ Arn Anderson & Brandi Rhodes) vs Lance Archer (w/ Jake Roberts)

Action Man toy belt
Mike hamming like it's his roast
TYSON AND ROBERTS!

Penelope Ford vs Kris Statlander

Alright for a sub
Love Kip selling ladder war
Finish? Bazinga!

Dustin Rhodes vs Shawn Spears (w/ Tully Blanchard)

Tuxedo match now?
Worst Rick Rude tribute ever
At least Dustin won

No DQ, no countout for the AEW Women’s Championship: Nyla Rose (c) vs Hikaru Shida

Fuelled by emotions
Division-saving efforts
RIP Hana

AEW World Championship: Jon Moxley (c) vs The Exalted One, Mr. Brodie Lee

Crucial Lee showing
Better than crap Vince mocking
Proper false finish

Stadium Stampede: The Elite vs Inner Circle

Marmite in a match
Hangman/Hager drink-off, PLEASE
Drowning spot... really?

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HOW ABOUT...  The Miro Conundrum: Are All Elite Wrestling Booking The Former Rusev Right?

If reading this left you feeling like an outdated attention-seeking podcast producer, yearning for the GOOD OLD DAYS OF RASSLIN REVIEWS and mad at me for KILLIN’ THE DAMN BUSINESS, please check out Mike Paul’s definitive rundown of Double or Nothing here.

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